Tuesday, October 11, 2011
To Be Loved, To Be Pursued
You know those moments where you are unsure about something and you let that little demon whisper in your ear and tell you something that is a bold face lie? But you let him continue to tell you because you aren't strong enough to tell him to go away and leave you be. Eventually you start entertaining that thought; maybe even believing it? You crack the door of your heart open to see who it is. Then that little demon police kicks the door of your heart wide open and runs in. But then again, perhaps you haven't been there, or you haven't gotten to that point yet (hopefully never!)
So what am I gettin at here? You know when you hear those Sunday school teachers tell you, "oh my goodness, Jesus loves you!"? It seems kinda hokey. It's even cheesier when people say things like "God is pursuing a relationship with you!"... make you want to throw up in your mouth a little bit huh? (a bit of an exaggeration, but you know the feeling) but it is so true! It is very possible that you have been whispered the lie the God does not love you or that He is not pursuing you. And it is even more likely that you have let that little demon creep into the stronghold of your heart and laid siege to your soul! I have a story for you, well two actually. Can I tell them to you? ...good! :) here goes!
This summer I did a 5 week mission program in Denver working as the men's team leader for Christ in the City (shameless plug, but an amazing ministry www.Christinthecitymissionaries.com do it you won't) This was the second summer I was a missionary and I had an amazing experience and it affected me greatly (post relating to that soon to come!) Before I went to the airport I had a great desire to go to Confession because I am a miserable sinner and am in need of God's infinite mercy...that and the fact that I was in a state of mortal sin. Haha I was not able to go before I went to the airport. :( I was killing time in the airport waiting to fly home and I still wanting to go to Confession, mostly at this point because I'm not a huge fan of flying and I was convinced that the plane was gonna crash... Anyway! I was walking and I saw a man dressed in a black shirt and black pants and he had: oh yup, a white collar! I was like, "gotta be an Anglican or something." So I followed him and caught up and asked if he was a Roman Catholic, he said yes of course. Well I asked him if he could hear my confession and he was delighted! Praise God for him! Well I thought that was just some random encounter(little did I know how random it was), and of course I updated my Facebook status and everyone was like wow that's so cool, etc.
Fast forward to two weekends ago
I was on my way to visit my family in Omaha, and again due to my own weakness and not depending on the Undefeated God, who strengthens me (see Phil 4:13) I was in need of forgiveness and again desired it. I had like almost 2 hours to kill at the international terminal at DFW airport (which is HUGE and amazing!) so I was wandering like I do when I'm at the airport, or at least I thought I was wandering... I hadn't even thought about the occurrence that happened almost 5 months ago, and I do believe it was my Guardian Angel pushing me in a certain direction when I saw a younger looking man in a black short sleeve shirt and a white Roman Collar. I thought no freakin way! I literally looked up and said are you serious?! I had saw a second earlier that it was a British airways flight, and given the fact he looked young I assumed seminarian going to study in Rome...oh well... But he just stood there in the middle of the terminal like he was looking for something...or someone. That someone was me, he just didn't realize it yet! Haha So after the urging of my Angel, I walked up and asked him if he was a priest and he said yes, and we started talking about you know the usual: what parish do you belong to, what do you do, etc. Well I finally mustered up the courage to ask if he would hear my Confession and he said that he would. As we are walking he tells me, "yeah we had to deplane because of a bedbug problem on the plane." I said, "no way, that crazy!" Then I was like "really God? Bedbugs???" He heard my Confession and told me I need to be a Saint, and a lot of other things I really need to hear. On top of that I was during this time reading a book on Mary Magdalene from the visions of Bl. Anne Katherine Emerich which tied in so many things of this experience together. And to make this story even better, I got to receive a special blessing from him because he was a newly ordained priest and I. Their first year they can give special blessings! HOW COOL IS THAT?!?! I also got a holy card with his name and ordination date on it! We then parted ways and was left to ponder all that had happened in my heart. (see Luke 2:19)
Maybe you are thinking right now, well that's great! Jesus does love you and God really is pursuing a relationship with you, but I don't think He loves me or whatever that little demon told you. But the truth is is that He DOES love you! And He does want to pursue a relationship with you. You have to make that step, plunge head first into the ocean of His love and mercy and grace! Be willing to be pursued, to pursue. To be loved, and to love.
In the Love of Christ,
St. Mary Magdalene, pray for us!